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Sunday, 13 February 2011

On praising . . .

We had a lovely dinner today.  Also a bit of a row between the supposedly adult. mmmm.  We'll ignore the row. Bad behaviour goes away if you do that apparently.

Not convinced on that point, and it seems particularly unfeasible when talking about danger situations where intervention is immediately and swiftly required. Attention seeking or not, it cannot be ignored out of existence.  And the row was about feeling ignored, so ignoring it made it escalate. Guess none of the child behaviour management is meant to apply to adults anyway.

Chris made a fantastic beef bourginion (as peace offerings go this is much better than cut flowers) and I contributed stuffed mushrooms and laying the table with Aslana. She made heart confetti and she and I wrote on large hearts what we appreciated about each person. I'll quote mine from her verbatim:

Mummy I love you because you cook my dinners & you help me tidy my dinners room. You take me to school & you know how the sofa should look.

This last refers to my constant battle with the sofa throw and cushions.   Being praised is alright.  I can handle that.  Aslana can have a good helping too.  We're both very verbal creatures.  Christopher's affection much more practically expressed both to me and Aslana. I interpret it for her and she's happy. Edward not happy with praise.  If you praise the way he holds your hand when near traffic for example he will instantly desist and throw a tantrum.  If you praise him for saying please he will thenceforth only use thank you.  If you praise him for playing nicely with his sister he will pinch her.  You can bribe him though with video time or colouring favourite characters (hurrah for cbeebie web site) or visiting ducks.

Children are weird.

1 comment:

  1. The parenting course I did recently was big on 'I messages'. You could try that with E instead of obvious praise. e.g. 'I really like it when you hold my hand because then I know you're safe'. I'm not very good at them actually, but when I have a go they seem to be effective!

    By the way I am enjoying reading your blog...