Ok . . . well house is coming together. We've again passed references, we have again agreed terms, we are again expectant it will all work out. Did I mention this is the second time we have got to this point in 3 weeks - the first time the Crown Estate withdrew permission to let the property. On the plus side this house is very local so can still walk to school, library, brownies, shops, park and childrens centre. On the down side the house backs onto a road where people walk back from the pub/town so we don't leave behind nighttime disturbances on summer evenings which have been such a nuisance here. At least we will be glad to move on when we do.
Recently I took the children to a messy church event - it was fantastic, but missed the idea of all age worship altogether, parents were given consent forms at the door and advised what time to collect their children, so it was in effect a single session holiday club - like Xsite but lower key and for younger children. Edward particularly enjoyed the freedom to worship and play as he chose and enjoyed enacting the Noah's Ark story with an ark playset.
The vision for Messy Church was familiar - make it easy and comfortable for families to come to church whether or not they have a church background, there is a structure and a format but its to enable not to constrict. I like it as a once a month session, but I like liturgy and sacrament too. I also felt like I have been here before its a new name for something all the churches I love have been doing for years.
Every church where I have felt happy has made people regard each other as family, the feeling of warmth and hospitality is expressed in sharing of time and energies but also in coffee and cake and food. The Seabrooks who now are at Taverham embodied this in the family service and their open house approach to bible studies http://www.stedmundstaverham.co.uk/cafe.shtml
Philip and Elizabeth Kettle were Pastors to Hitcham Free Church when I was a child, from a holiday club in 1982 where I became a Christian I discovered what a dynamic thing church could be. They encouraged discipleship by example and by opening their home and hearts to children and families - summer camps and a youth group in a caravan all showed such love.
And I think of Bruce Nicole's Church in Camberley http://www.stmichaelscamberley.com/ where even now despite the vast changes that have happened in that area and the number of people who have arrived since we left we still feel a sense of home. Its no surprise to me that Messy Church occurs here or that the Church continues to grow because like all these churches it is grounded in love and led by people sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Finally I think of the place where my faith both in God and the possibility that other people could accept me took root, Hilfield Youth Camp, where I discovered that I was like Elijah in being oblivious to the surrounding of Angels in my life, and this was revealed to me through people who inspired me, who greeted me from day one not as a stranger but as a friend. This is what church should be. Not perfection because that is only to be found heaven, but messy, fun and welcoming with a reflective aspect that leads to real growth http://www.sandalmagna.com/hyc/Welcome.html
All these wonderful experiences have shaped me, and its a shaping that isn't just from parenting, and one that reminds me how important it is to give your children places to explore their fellowship with God and with others outside the home. My parents' best gift to me was to let me go to these events, camps and friday nights. Its a gift I want to give my children too - go to new places and find out who you are and who else there is like you, open your eyes to the fact that there are other children with values like yours and hopefully connect with God in a new way. Keep your brain switched on too, ask the questions you need to ask.
So where am I with parenting? Failing! Life is messy like that. You can't crack it in a week. Praise is being rejected again, bribery/ tangible reward is not wanted because all Edward wants is to run free and not be in the buggy or holding hands no matter about the road. I persisted with him today which meant I looked like a real mean mummy - poor baby screaming in buggy was ignored until it was safe to let him down, with periodic options to comply he would not. Got to the park and free range he wanted to walk the wrong way, it all took so long! His sister missed out on play time because of his behaviour.
Also some of the behaviour is resentment about moving house (he is definitely stressed by things being packed up) and an awareness he is too young to have really that his friend - his best friend in all the world apart from his sister - is moving away. He does have another friend he talks of often, another dear friend's son who has passed on clothing to him with stripes and vehicles on and who also has a deep appreciation of trains, but since he was barely speaking when they last met it might come as a surprise to this little boy that his clothing is appreciated or that Edward has decided trains are wonderful following sharing his track at Christmas. When Edward saw a tractor on his next size up nappies instead of familiar Bob the Builder he asked if this friend had given him the nappy (clearly he assumes good taste in vehicles comes only from this source!) I really hope they play nicely when they meet again in the Summer.
Foolishly I told Aslana today that the best behaved child could have the biggest room in the new house . . . did I just give away the Master Bedroom??
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Things that did not come in the Post
1. Reader's Digests' Cheque for £125,000 - would be so handy about now. Must surely be delayed. I mean they keep promising it so it should arrive any day I am sure. May be the postman nabbed it??!
2. A list of houses to let. In the old days when we registered with agents they'd be in touch by phone or letter weekly at least. Now they just say - check the internet, can't you?
3. An apology from the landlord or any explanation as to why we are in this crisis
4. Chocolate or tea bags
5. The Birthday Card my sister did not post in January or February but promised she did intend to come March . . .
6. A note from The Lord to indicate exactly what the plan is. I am aware we have the Bible but its not so handy on the finer practical points of items such as "The Lord will Provide" in our experience it does tie in with Seek first the Kingdom (ie despite pressing needs arising in your life, consider needs of others ahead of your own) and also Trust - (eg about to give birth with nowhere to go? Don't worry - there is a stable just around the corner - expect provision around about 6 hours before labour . . .)
7. Selflessness and patience. Really low on these about now. Especially when DH is finding fault with remaining options that I think would be good enough. Little one is poorly - I don't want to have anything to do but comfort him and see him well but time taken for this seems stolen from peace of mind about the move.
8. An apology for the guilt that Dr Webster Stratton ladles on - if your child has any faults they are victims of your inabilities and incompetencies parents! If any qualities of which you are proud these are from correct implementation of the webster stratton method. There is good stuff in there, don't get me wrong but she's as warm as a cold fish and sees everything as a transaction - love and affection are deposits in a Child's piggy bank of self esteem, time outs are temporary withdrawals to gain control. I think there are truths in what she has to say but the style of saying it really needs some work. There is too much focus on achieving "correct behaviours" and too little on happiness and strength of relationship - building trust etc. A warmer read with similar basic concepts about investing positives to produce happiness and self esteem is here
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/books/the-five-love-languages-of-children/
2. A list of houses to let. In the old days when we registered with agents they'd be in touch by phone or letter weekly at least. Now they just say - check the internet, can't you?
3. An apology from the landlord or any explanation as to why we are in this crisis
4. Chocolate or tea bags
5. The Birthday Card my sister did not post in January or February but promised she did intend to come March . . .
6. A note from The Lord to indicate exactly what the plan is. I am aware we have the Bible but its not so handy on the finer practical points of items such as "The Lord will Provide" in our experience it does tie in with Seek first the Kingdom (ie despite pressing needs arising in your life, consider needs of others ahead of your own) and also Trust - (eg about to give birth with nowhere to go? Don't worry - there is a stable just around the corner - expect provision around about 6 hours before labour . . .)
7. Selflessness and patience. Really low on these about now. Especially when DH is finding fault with remaining options that I think would be good enough. Little one is poorly - I don't want to have anything to do but comfort him and see him well but time taken for this seems stolen from peace of mind about the move.
8. An apology for the guilt that Dr Webster Stratton ladles on - if your child has any faults they are victims of your inabilities and incompetencies parents! If any qualities of which you are proud these are from correct implementation of the webster stratton method. There is good stuff in there, don't get me wrong but she's as warm as a cold fish and sees everything as a transaction - love and affection are deposits in a Child's piggy bank of self esteem, time outs are temporary withdrawals to gain control. I think there are truths in what she has to say but the style of saying it really needs some work. There is too much focus on achieving "correct behaviours" and too little on happiness and strength of relationship - building trust etc. A warmer read with similar basic concepts about investing positives to produce happiness and self esteem is here
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/books/the-five-love-languages-of-children/
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Rewarding Progress
The homework is to make a reward chart. We will do this because Aslana thinks its good to help me with my homework but actually the children really liked their charts downloaded from http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/single_behavior_charts_popular_characters.htm#Bob_The_Builder-14 Edward had Bob and Aslana my little pony. Specific behaviours is the key to the tangible reward system and that the reward chosen is selected by the child. These were colour in charts with a favourite character featured. Has really helped Edward with positive behaviour eg please and thank you but less well with the negative - ie tantrum throwing or not kicking off shoes when we need to go out or holding hands by the road because when you praise him for it he resumes the undesired behaviour, so ignoring the negative works better than praising the positive.
But today and yesterday Edward has been using praise for others - Well done, mummy or Well done, Lani Boots or even for his monkey Well Done, Norman. So somewhere in there he does hear it and take it on board its just harder to record the reflective child's approach to praise - he does not respond in the instant but some time later and the indication is not in pleasure expressed but in how he shares it with others as a good thing He is so proud of himself for using praise!
Cbeebies had a recent bedtime story which is worth noting here called Hugless Douglas - I would recommend it for toddlers because both children who love hugs and give and receive them enthusiastically
and children like Edward who seem a bit perplexed or even scared about sharing their personal space can find it helpful. When the programme began Sanjeev Bhaskar was using toys to demonstrate hugs "I expect you like hugs too" he said - Edward was pushing himself back in the chair and saying "No Don't want to!" because he felt so unhappy with the theme. He really isn't all that tactile and feels threatened when people get too close, but the story was about a friendly looking bear so he didn't want to miss it either. The bear learns about gentleness and the importance of hugging someone who he knows really well rather than people he doesn't and who do not wish to be hugged. It helps give place to gentleness and to thinking of other people's feelings, but also demonstrates the hug to be something special to share and enjoy rather than fear and in the case of Edward it meant I received the best hug ever and a rare one just to say Lub You Mummy rather than night night or I'd rather stick with you than anyone else.
Anyway all that about progress and now I have to be honest and say I feel more at sea than ever because now we are facing a move unexpectedly since the landlord has given notice on the property. Aslana has been briliant - staying positive and thinking hopefully about everything. Her faith that God loves us and won't leave us through everything is something of an inspiration. She has no doubt that he will provide what we need, it is only us adults who stress because we don't really know which way to go or what to do for the best. Nothing we can offer as a home to our children seems to provide security. If we buy a house big enough for all of us we will be stretching to do so and if a small change in interest rates occurred we would find ourselves struggling and having to have both adults in full time work We did not have children not to see them and besides in such a situation we would be put at greater risk of homelessness if a job fell through and we were not able to keep up with repayments. Renting is still cheaper than a mortgage on a property that meets our needs, but is in our experience an increasingly short term measure, landlords talk of long term let but they mean a year or two not the length of primary school education. Making children have to give up their home with all that entails is of no concern to them or the law.
I took it for granted in my childhood that we had a home we never had to leave - in fact as a very young child I remember thinking it quite dull that we never moved unlike other children - it seemed like such an adventure. Now I am a parent though I would rather the adventures my child experienced were imagined ones not the tension of parents wondering where to go when there is a shortage of choices and a deadline for moving. But then again I think a child like view of the world is going to be the only thing to save my sanity. If I think too hard about interest rates or the whims of landlords I get very depressed, much better to take a walk outdoors everyday feed some ducks, splash in some puddles and be grateful to be alive. I may not know where the roof over our heads will be but I am pretty sure there will be one. I just pray we find it sooner rather than later. Chris tells me we are going to find it tomorrow. May be Aslana's faith is catching.
But today and yesterday Edward has been using praise for others - Well done, mummy or Well done, Lani Boots or even for his monkey Well Done, Norman. So somewhere in there he does hear it and take it on board its just harder to record the reflective child's approach to praise - he does not respond in the instant but some time later and the indication is not in pleasure expressed but in how he shares it with others as a good thing He is so proud of himself for using praise!
Cbeebies had a recent bedtime story which is worth noting here called Hugless Douglas - I would recommend it for toddlers because both children who love hugs and give and receive them enthusiastically
and children like Edward who seem a bit perplexed or even scared about sharing their personal space can find it helpful. When the programme began Sanjeev Bhaskar was using toys to demonstrate hugs "I expect you like hugs too" he said - Edward was pushing himself back in the chair and saying "No Don't want to!" because he felt so unhappy with the theme. He really isn't all that tactile and feels threatened when people get too close, but the story was about a friendly looking bear so he didn't want to miss it either. The bear learns about gentleness and the importance of hugging someone who he knows really well rather than people he doesn't and who do not wish to be hugged. It helps give place to gentleness and to thinking of other people's feelings, but also demonstrates the hug to be something special to share and enjoy rather than fear and in the case of Edward it meant I received the best hug ever and a rare one just to say Lub You Mummy rather than night night or I'd rather stick with you than anyone else.
Anyway all that about progress and now I have to be honest and say I feel more at sea than ever because now we are facing a move unexpectedly since the landlord has given notice on the property. Aslana has been briliant - staying positive and thinking hopefully about everything. Her faith that God loves us and won't leave us through everything is something of an inspiration. She has no doubt that he will provide what we need, it is only us adults who stress because we don't really know which way to go or what to do for the best. Nothing we can offer as a home to our children seems to provide security. If we buy a house big enough for all of us we will be stretching to do so and if a small change in interest rates occurred we would find ourselves struggling and having to have both adults in full time work We did not have children not to see them and besides in such a situation we would be put at greater risk of homelessness if a job fell through and we were not able to keep up with repayments. Renting is still cheaper than a mortgage on a property that meets our needs, but is in our experience an increasingly short term measure, landlords talk of long term let but they mean a year or two not the length of primary school education. Making children have to give up their home with all that entails is of no concern to them or the law.
I took it for granted in my childhood that we had a home we never had to leave - in fact as a very young child I remember thinking it quite dull that we never moved unlike other children - it seemed like such an adventure. Now I am a parent though I would rather the adventures my child experienced were imagined ones not the tension of parents wondering where to go when there is a shortage of choices and a deadline for moving. But then again I think a child like view of the world is going to be the only thing to save my sanity. If I think too hard about interest rates or the whims of landlords I get very depressed, much better to take a walk outdoors everyday feed some ducks, splash in some puddles and be grateful to be alive. I may not know where the roof over our heads will be but I am pretty sure there will be one. I just pray we find it sooner rather than later. Chris tells me we are going to find it tomorrow. May be Aslana's faith is catching.
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