Interesting Times

Its difficult to know where to begin with not launching in to even more off topic issues than I usually do.  So lets start with friday's parenting session.  Edward was not happy about being left with his childminder.

There were no boy toys out since the girls arrived first and if there's not at least one vehicle in sight he will get a little distressed in any setting! I let her know this was the main problem and once cars were mentioned his mood improved.  He still didn't want me to go so I did not prolong the agony and just gave him a brusque (is that a word??) hug and said, "See you later, love you." By the time I picked him up he was pleased to see me and ready to go but not unhappy so that was good.

Now my brain freezes as I try to recall what we were talking about and I feel a little pain above my left ear  Is that where the bit of fluff I call my brain is residing? I remember finding it really helpful.

I quickly google webster stratton to check where we were upto on week 5 - are yes, continuing praise and moving to discussions of deferred rewards - where children's sticker charts are used to build up to a reward of their choosing. 

I had printed out charts for the children a week ago - Aslana's because I don't think she recognises that I value her good behaviour - so its helpful to her to see a taangible record so she knows I am proud of her.  With quite a degree of doubt I also printed off a chart for Edward - too young surely? But I used it for my tangible record.  The behaviour looked for with Edward was very specific I wanted to see some acknowledgement of other people's needs and wishes - beginning with saying please and thankyou and recording each instance, but also compliance to simple requests without a tantrum.

My childminder who has him once a week for 3 weeks has partnered me in this - eg keeping rain cover on when it is pelting down, holding hands to walk near roads, saying or signing please and thank you, putting toys away and not upending toyboxes (um with the child not with me!!) .

Unfortunately my husband his Dad is not around till 7.30 so it has been harder to feel supported in the home.
I don't think he will even be aware of what the course is covering except where I am doubtful about it,  or have found it hard to manage. eg the descriptive play was possible and valuable one to one with either of my children but impossible and sanity stealing with both together because they used it to vie for affection and would not cooperate with each other. In addition Edward is praise resistant but Aslana is praise seeking and thrives on it so it is hard for Chris to see that it might work longer term, especially since he does not value or trust praise himself. He like Edward is also not one for physical affection. Here our reading on love languages is helpful in terms of expressing encouragement non verbally.

Anyway to return to the session 5 focus - Reward charts.  OK not now,later everyone waking up!  If you want to find out about this session  while you wait for my personal take on it this link provides a good summary http://www.incredibleyears.com/ParentResources/rewards-give-children-boost.pdf

On praising . . .

We had a lovely dinner today.  Also a bit of a row between the supposedly adult. mmmm.  We'll ignore the row. Bad behaviour goes away if you do that apparently.

Not convinced on that point, and it seems particularly unfeasible when talking about danger situations where intervention is immediately and swiftly required. Attention seeking or not, it cannot be ignored out of existence.  And the row was about feeling ignored, so ignoring it made it escalate. Guess none of the child behaviour management is meant to apply to adults anyway.

Chris made a fantastic beef bourginion (as peace offerings go this is much better than cut flowers) and I contributed stuffed mushrooms and laying the table with Aslana. She made heart confetti and she and I wrote on large hearts what we appreciated about each person. I'll quote mine from her verbatim:

Mummy I love you because you cook my dinners & you help me tidy my dinners room. You take me to school & you know how the sofa should look.

This last refers to my constant battle with the sofa throw and cushions.   Being praised is alright.  I can handle that.  Aslana can have a good helping too.  We're both very verbal creatures.  Christopher's affection much more practically expressed both to me and Aslana. I interpret it for her and she's happy. Edward not happy with praise.  If you praise the way he holds your hand when near traffic for example he will instantly desist and throw a tantrum.  If you praise him for saying please he will thenceforth only use thank you.  If you praise him for playing nicely with his sister he will pinch her.  You can bribe him though with video time or colouring favourite characters (hurrah for cbeebie web site) or visiting ducks.

Children are weird.